- I finish up with patients here: 4
- I take my last class (forever!) AND turn a year older: 19
- I pack up my home and ship my material life across the US again*: 36
- I can move into my new home in Montana: 55
- I start my internship: 61
- Graduation: 336
In the years leading up to high school graduation I would do this obsessively — count down, and then count back and think about what had happened X days ago, to give it some perspective, I guess. Time seems so much bigger, slower, drawn out when you’re looking forward than when you’re looking back.
I imagine time to be some kind of Calder-esque mobile, past and future events of different weights on each end of a thin steel bar, anchored at today. So: today I am about eight weeks away from my arrival in Montana and beginning my internship. I am also about eight weeks away from my breakup and the loss of my supervisor, mentor, and teacher in April. The former seems far away and light; the latter feels fresh, confusing, barely healing, and heavy. But today is right in the middle.
It is pretty much exactly like this:
*Decided not to drive, but to spend that driving time and gas money to visit friends in late July / early August… A solo cross-country trip would be fun, but maybe not in a U-Haul.