Countdown! Obsessively!

Days until…

  • I finish up with patients here: 4
  • I take my last class (forever!) AND turn a year older: 19
  • I pack up my home and ship my material life across the US again*:  36
  • I can move into my new home in Montana: 55
  • I start my internship: 61
  • Graduation: 336

In the years leading up to high school graduation I would do this obsessively — count down, and then count back and think about what had happened X days ago, to give it some perspective, I guess.  Time seems so much bigger, slower, drawn out when you’re looking forward than when you’re looking back.

I imagine time to be some kind of Calder-esque mobile, past and future events of different weights on each end of a thin steel bar, anchored at today.  So: today I am about eight weeks away from my arrival in Montana and beginning my internship.  I am also about eight weeks away from my breakup and the loss of my supervisor, mentor, and teacher in April.  The former seems far away and light; the latter feels fresh, confusing, barely healing, and heavy.  But today is right in the middle.

It is pretty much exactly like this:

Alexander Calder, Boomerangs, 1941

*Decided not to drive, but to spend that driving time and gas money to visit friends in late July / early August…  A solo cross-country trip would be fun, but maybe not in a U-Haul.


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