- I never finished my undergraduate honors thesis. It bothered me at first, but I really don’t care anymore. I only wish I hadn’t put so much time into worrying about it. Although: that’s what led me to therapy, and therapy is what led me here…
- Said undergraduate honors thesis was going to be on Pre-Raphaelite art, through some kind of lens having something to do with John Ruskin. Why? I have no idea. I liked the paintings. Some of them. I was studying English, but had fallen in love with art. I wanted something that would work for both. I did not like John Ruskin one bit (he allegedly refused to consummate his marriage to Effie Gray because he was alarmed by her pubic hair!!). I liked the drama of the Pre-Raphaelites, though (Effie left him for John Millais, one of the Pre-Raphaelite painters).
- Anyway, I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it. I got an extension. I took a quarter off (a decision I made about ten years ago to the day). I went to England to “research,” which involved traveling around, looking at art with very little direction or purpose. I came back to the US, took over a friend’s lease (and Dumpster Dawn became my roommate). I still didn’t write. I took an internship at a museum and finished my degree, and didn’t write, didn’t write.
- Fast forward ten years… Yes, ten (damn it!). I’m having trouble working on a pretty huge paper — not a dissertation by any means (thank god), but more like a capstone case study I need to write to graduate. I’m not doing it, not doing it. I’m in therapy again (psychoanalysis, actually!). And I cannot find the motivation.
- Today I learned that the National Gallery of Art is opening an exhibit of Pre-Raphaelite works. Fitting? Yes.
- Will I procrastinate on this disaster of a paper by seeing it? Yes. Yes, I will.
- Incidentally, one of the Pre-Raphaelites’ favorite models was Elizabeth “Lizzie” Siddal. Millais painted her. Ruskin subsidized her. Dante Gabriel Rossetti married her. She was a total depressive (check out her poems) and died when she was 32. And she is the spitting image of Julianne Moore.