1. I never finished my undergraduate honors thesis.  It bothered me at first, but I really don’t care anymore.  I only wish I hadn’t put so much time into worrying about it.  Although: that’s what led me to therapy, and therapy is what led me here…
  2. Said undergraduate honors thesis was going to be on Pre-Raphaelite art, through some kind of lens having something to do with John Ruskin.  Why?  I have no idea.  I liked the paintings.  Some of them.  I was studying English, but had fallen in love with art.  I wanted something that would work for both.  I did not like John Ruskin one bit (he allegedly refused to consummate his marriage to Effie Gray because he was alarmed by her pubic hair!!).  I liked the drama of the Pre-Raphaelites, though (Effie left him for John Millais, one of the Pre-Raphaelite painters).
  3. Anyway, I didn’t do it.  I didn’t do it.  I got an extension.  I took a quarter off (a decision I made about ten years ago to the day).  I went to England to “research,” which involved traveling around, looking at art with very little direction or purpose.  I came back to the US, took over a friend’s lease (and Dumpster Dawn became my roommate).  I still didn’t write.  I took an internship at a museum and finished my degree, and didn’t write, didn’t write.
  4. Fast forward ten years…  Yes, ten (damn it!).  I’m having trouble working on a pretty huge paper — not a dissertation by any means (thank god), but more like a capstone case study I need to write to graduate.  I’m not doing it, not doing it.  I’m in therapy again (psychoanalysis, actually!).  And I cannot find the motivation.
  5. Today I learned that the National Gallery of Art is opening an exhibit of Pre-Raphaelite works.  Fitting?  Yes.
  6. Will I procrastinate on this disaster of a paper by seeing it?  Yes.  Yes, I will.
  7. Incidentally, one of the Pre-Raphaelites’ favorite models was Elizabeth “Lizzie” Siddal.  Millais painted her.  Ruskin subsidized her.  Dante Gabriel Rossetti married her.  She was a total depressive (check out her poems) and died when she was 32.  And she is the spitting image of Julianne Moore.

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February 15, 2013 · 9:05 pm

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