Things Are Fine

I just don’t feel like writing about them lately.  Part of the problem is that my computer is totally dying.  Well, not really.  I just need to move all my music to an external drive and reformat, get rid of things and start over.  I haven’t done it.  Maybe this week.  So anyway, every time I turn my computer on, it takes ages to boot, ages to load internet pages, and then ages to complete this stupid (but supposedly necessary) McAfee something-or-other that I didn’t install but I think came from Comcast that uses vast amounts of (not vast to start with) memory.  It’s a definite deterrent to blogging, e-mailing, reading blogs, keeping up with music, etc.  It almost seems virus-esque, but I don’t think it is (how can you tell?)…

Also, I’m reading a lot.  Offline.  I am loving reading.  I want to stay home and read on the weekends, at night, even during the day.  Going to bookstores doesn’t excite me anymore; I make lists of things that look interesting to find at the library.  Mostly I just want to get back home and finish what I’m already reading.  I am not quite hermitous.  I still like interacting with friends, etc., etc., but home and comfy clothes and a book are all so nice right now.

I feel like my reading stamina has increased, but my physical stamina has decreased.  I don’t need to be in bed by 8:30, but I feel like I need to be home by then.  I don’t know if it’s a funk, or if I’m fighting off sickness, or just a little depressed or what, but, wow, I’m tired.  Luckily I’m sleeping.  Sure, there are still nights of lying awake until well past two, or waking up at just past four, or both (ick!), but they’re not frequent, and I feel like they’re not completely catastrophic lately (like they sometimes can seem).  I hadn’t been able to take naps or sleep much past 7 for the last year plus, and now I can do both.  The frequent insomnia was not adulthood itself, as I thought; only a phase of it.  This is probably a phase, too, and will also pass.

Last year I was so excited about things like making goals for 2008, selecting the year’s best songs and the year’s best everything.  This year’s end has snuck up on me.  I have one more day of work tomorrow (yes, on Christmas Eve) before a week of holiday…  I feel like I haven’t reflected on anything.  I don’t know if I will, and if I do, I don’t know if it will seem as good (2007 was really great!).  Recent weeks have just felt like a series of winter days, of cold, of dark (though not too cold or too dark, dear friends in the colder, darker north), monotony with little or no magic added in.  It’s not that I’m not hopeful — I hope that tomorrow’s drive to my parents’ house will put me in good spirits, and the week off will be restorative.  I just feel more absences than presences right now.  I’m sure it’s a half-full/empty-glass thing…

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Things Are Fine

  1. I hope you are having a great time on your break!

  2. I’m glad you’re enjoying your semi-hibernative state. I’m now mentally covering you with a gigantic fluffy blanket!
    🙂

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