The Middle of the Night Doesn’t Make Cats Less Lonely…

…or me less anxious. My anxiety has been problematic this week, particularly in the middle of the night. Growing up I always had this picture in my head of anxious people with protuding eyeballs and startled looks on their faces. I think somehow it came from this family medicine book my parents had (which I used to try to diagnose myself). Anyway, I never diagnosed myself as an anxious person, though I’ve definitely had bouts of it for as long as I can remember. Probably because I don’t think my eyes bulge. Maybe they do. Or maybe it has more to do with waking up in the middle of the night and feeling instantly overwhelmed by things I can’t really control.

Sorry I haven’t written in a while… I’m tired, work has felt intense lately, etc. Today Melissa Block had me in tears pretty early in the morning with her coverage of the earthquake in China for NPR. I could hear so much emotion in her voice. Not that it ever seems unreal, but it made the news that much more believable. This is really happening to people, and that is their home, these are their voices, this is their pain. They’ve lost everything, and they’re thirsty, and I’m not going to do anything about it. I found myself at once less and more detached, in a heartbreaking sort of way.

I’ve been geeking out at work lately. I’m going to work on parsing some XML next, so that I can prove to myself that licensing the Getty vocabularies won’t be a waste of money, and I won’t have to rely on other already-busy people to help me out with them… I always thought that parsing XML would involve programming skills I didn’t have (and it probably can be done more quickly by smarter people), but I think I’m just going to work with my limited knowledge of jEdit, find and replace, and data merge technologies and see how it goes. We’ll see. I’m also getting better at SQL — I just need to learn where everything I need is within our plethora of tables. Things are at the same time coming under control, and getting out of control. I feel like I’m putting a fire out at one location, but it’s just spreading in the other direction. But it’s okay.

There’s actually a lot going on (good and bad), but I’m shying away from this online life lately. Sorry, guys. 🙂 If you give me a call, I’ll (probably) spill it all.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “The Middle of the Night Doesn’t Make Cats Less Lonely…

  1. Here at work, “parse the feed” has become our code for “we don’t know what is wrong with your software.” It’s a brushoff of sorts, because it worked so well on a couple of calls and it sounds pretty technical. You can use it, if things get too stressful, to get some alone time.

  2. P.S. I hope you feel less anxious and overwhelmed.

  3. jfochek

    Thank you for coming out of the “family medicine book self-diagnosing child” closet. I used to do the exact same thing. I actually correctly diagnosed myself with pityriasis rosea (icky, sorry) when I was 8. Maybe I missed my calling?

    Anyway, sorry to hear that you’re stressed. I’ll give you a ring when we’re on the road to or from Houston this weekend.

  4. Zeno

    Most of what I do all day is parse gigantic feeds, or rather set up systems that parse them automatically. If you need some help with your XML parsing, I’d certainly be willing to help you make that an automated process (The Getty vocabularies spec doesn’t seem too complicated). I suppose I’ll do anything I can do to write more Ruby.

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