I’m going to start this cleanse tomorrow, and I sort of had a little freak out about it tonight. The first time I did it, it was this whole organized thing with a naturopath, and she gave supplements that were supposed to help get toxins out, etc. I just missed her fall cleanse, but I sent her an e-mail asking what supplements she would recommend. I was really hoping for something specific, but I got a list of ingredients instead… which is generous (I didn’t pay her), but overwhelming. So tonight I went to Vitamin Cottage, list in hand, to find the stuff. I couldn’t find anything with all of the ingredients she suggests, and everything had all of this extra stuff she didn’t mention. I am not really interested in the supplements anyway because I think they’re kind of gross… On the other hand I think they’re probably beneficial, but not if I can’t find the right ones. Some of them seemed a little intense, even dangerous, and I felt like sitting down crying in the aisle. Probably mostly because I’m feeling off and hungover today and vulnerable and thirsty and childish and because I think too much, and sometimes not nearly enough until it’s too late, if at all. Also because the packaging on the supplements tended to be very weight-oriented, and I don’t want to think about weight, but I live in this society, and therefore pretty much required to. So at that point the goal was to get out of the store without crying, cancel the cleanse, etc.
On my way out (supplement-less) I changed my mind. I’m going to do the cleanse, but I’m not going to take the supplements. And I’m setting some goals:
- To feed my body better foods
- To eat for nourishment (not to fill some emotional void that food only seems to fill, but never does, or to escape boredom)
- To get back on track with some healthier habits
For the next eighteen days I won’t be eating wheat or dairy (nothing new here), refined carbohydrates, or sugar or other sweeteners. Also: I’m giving up alcohol and caffeine, the latter of which I’m a little nervous about, but prepared for the little headache and looking forward to not being dependent on it. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I’ll be settling into those restrictions (kicking the caffeine especially)… Then on Thursday I start eliminating one more type of food every day through next Wednesday, at which point the “liquid phase” begins and I drink juice and broth for four days before building back up to normal (but healthier) eating. It sounds intense, and it isn’t not intense, but it’s also done very gradually and feels good. Anyway, first thing on the menu tomorrow is a protein smoothie (almond milk, protein powder, ground flax seeds, and whatever fruit I feel like buying here in a bit). Then: brown rice and steamed vegetables for lunch and vegetarian chili for dinner.
I don’t know if I have the energy for this. But I hope to have it tomorrow.